Two weeks ago we got a call from Dom, who was one of Jillian’s old co-workers. He said he had a package addressed to both of us from the States that they had received in the organization’s international P.O. Box. We weren’t really sure what it could have been, considering Jillian and I had only lived together in PAP for a little more than a week before we returned after the earthquake. Then after that, Jillian split from her old organization, meaning the package must have been sent before the earthquake.
I went to the new Mission House last Friday and picked it up, and all the anticipation (was it presents?! money?! Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?!?!) resulted in a little bit of a let-down after I opened the manila envelope and found a pile of Jillian and My’s mail from the states, sent to us from my Dad and Step-mom three days before the earthquake. And while getting old bills instead of chocolate was a slight let-down, there was a weird feeling attached to it, knowing that it had come to us before everything had changed.
There was a note inserted into the envelope from my Dad, saying how glad he was that we were finally together, how proud he was of us, and how much he already missed us. Little did he know that he would see us less than a week later. Not that any of my Dad’s sentiments have changed, in fact they’ve probably grown stronger, but it’s interesting reading the note and think about how we had just started to settle into our lives here together, and that the major hurdle of being apart had finally been breached. Now new hurdles seem to present themselves daily, in ways that we never anticipated, and it makes me wish that I was getting that letter for the people he intended for it to reach initially.
This might sound incredibly depressing, and I apologize for that, but it’s reality. Whenever there is a trauma in someone’s life, most often than not there is a desire to return to the way it was before. That will never happen, and that’s what I need to realize, so I can move forward from now, and not then. I’m working hard to figure these things out, dealing with my issues, and connecting to a woman that I love more than life itself. And the one thing that has been reassuring about this entire process is that even if I have changed in number of fundamental ways, the one thing that has never changed is that love, which makes me know that in the end, it will all work out.