Posts Tagged ‘Conversations with Olie’


SETTING: While Jillian and I watch an episode of Glee on Jillian’s computer, Olie rolls over, and shows us his junk.

OLIE: Guys! Check it out!!!
JILLIAN: Put it away, dude!
OLIE: Haha, no way!!!  Beatrice! Come over here!  Check it out!!!
Beatrice walks over to Olie and bats him in the face with her razor sharp claws…
OLIE: Woah!!! Not cool!  Wait, does that mean you want to play with me?


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SETTING: While sitting outside on the porch, Olie interrupts what was a nice, relaxing afternoon.

OLIE: Dude!  Check out how wide I can open my mouth!!!
ME (unimpressed): Wow…way to go buddy…
OLIE: But seriously! It’s crazy!!!  And look how long my tongue is! How long is your tongue?!
ME: Woah, you do have a HUGE tongue.  Mine is not as big as that…
OLIE: I know, right?!  Your tongue sucks!
ME: Dude, why do you have to say things like that?
OLIE: Because I’m a puppy!  Have you seen how long my tail is…..

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SETTING: While washing the dishes, I suddenly get the urge to listen to some tunes to help pass the time.

Me: Olie, could you turn on the music on my computer?
Olie: Dude, I’m tired, do it yourself.
Me: You’re tired!? You haven’t done anything today, in fact, you ate your lunch sitting down.
Olie: Woah! Chill out man, I’ve been crazy busy.  I chewed on that rope toy you gave me for like 20 minutes straight, then I went outside to pee.  I’m exhausted.
Me: You know that doesn’t count, so would you please just get up and turn on the music?
Olie: Would you feed me a second lunch?
Me: Negative, that’s definitely not going to happen.
Olie: Then I’m afraid you will be washing the dishes in silence, amigo.  I’ve got some napping to do.

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Sitting in the living room, I look to Olie and get an idea…

ME: Dude, we need to get you a chick!
OLIE: I know man, I’m totally jonesing for some lady action…
ME: Alright, let’s put together a personal ad for you, what kind of things do you like to do?
OLIE: Hmm, I like to chew on chicken bones I find on the street…
ME: I think you have to think bigger, like things that chicks like.
OLIE: Well, I like romping around in the water at the beach.
ME: Long walks on the beach…CHECK. Anything else?
OLIE: I like to drink gallons of water and pee almost every 15 minutes.
ME: Likes to go out and get drinks….CHECK. Ok, one more.
OLIE: I’m interested in jumping on furniture that I’m not supposed to jump on…
ME: Uhhhh…Interested in interior designing.  Perfect, I’ll put this up ASAP.
OLIE: Awesome! Thanks man, I owe you one!
ME: Then please stop peeing in the house.
OLIE: Not going to happen…


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SETTING: Olie drags a 10-foot-long palm branch into the living room and proceeds to systematically chew on the entire thing.

Olie: Can I chew on this?
Me: No…
Olie (chewing a power chord): Can I chew on this?
Me: No!
Olie (chewing on a rope toy): Can I chew on this?
Me: Yes! Please!
Olie: I don’t want to chew on this…so what am I supposed to do now?
Me: I don’t know, what do you want to do?
Olie: Chew on your hand?
Me: No…

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SETTING: Just after coming back from a walk where he peed AND pooped. (He’s such a good boy!)

Olie: Yo! Can I take Pinotage for a spin?
Me: I don’t know, have you ever driven a motorcycle before?
Olie: No…
Me: Then you can’t drive Pinotage.
Olie: Bummer.

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